Parent/Guardian

A Different Kind of Back-To-School Night

Our vision statement—Temple Sinai Preschool fosters a sense of connectedness among all members of the school and synagogue community—was the big idea used to reimagine our Back-to-School night.

We wanted families to feel connected from the moment they arrived, so we started by reimagining our space. Teachers were stationed outside our doors as greeters, at age-level registration tables and along our hallway, ready to direct them to our gathering space. We also created pre-printed name tags (with parent name, child’s name, and color-coding by age group) to help families connect with one another.

The evening started with a wine and nosh. After the parents mingled, our Senior and Assistant Rabbis greeted the crowd and shared anecdotal stories of their time in the preschool. Our Temple President then invited families to be involved and in touch, a sentiment echoed by board members and Temple staff members.

Then the real fun began! We introduced the Spaghetti Challenge, a team building opportunity that beautifully illustrated the use of unconventional materials to learn 21^st century skills.

We sent our families into their children’s classrooms to experience exactly what their children experience on a daily basis, the opportunity to learn and have fun at the same time. With a little spaghetti, tape, string, and a marshmallow, our families communicated as a team, thought critically to solve a problem, collaborated, worked creatively, and had fun, just like the students of Temple Sinai Preschool do every single day.

The night was awesome! The families made new friends and also connected with their children’s teachers, preschool administrators, Temple Sinai staff members, board members, and clergy.

We set out to make Back-to-School night more than a time to learn about what happens in the classroom; we wanted the time spent in the classrooms and the building to foster a sense of connectedness among all members of the school and synagogue community. We did it!

Important Takeaways: 

• Temple Sinai Preschool began with the acknowledgment that there was an experience that the entire school staff wanted to create.
• We made participation and input from the staff and clergy a vital part of the change process.
• Our school values were visible in the big and small details of the experience.
• We measured success based on the experience of all of the stakeholders.
• It behooves us all to take the time and work together to improve – with the grand objective of bringing more of a sense of connectedness and belonging to our families.

Sheila Purdin
Director of Early Childhood Education
Temple Sinai Preschool

Parents Have Learning Styles, Too

A quality early childhood program values daily interaction with parents. We know how important it is to connect with the families and caregivers of the children in our programs because we realize that when we partner with parents, wonderful things happen.

However, we have all experienced the parent or caregiver who is unhappy or questions us about everything. We feel that we are trying so hard, but this parent is unhappy and is threatening to take the child out of the program. Everyone is frustrated.

If we have a child who seems unhappy, disconnected, or uneasy, we know what to do. We know that children are individuals, each with a unique way of approaching the world. We know that children have Learning Styles.

It is the same with an unhappy, disconnected or uneasy parent. They also have learning styles.

The good news is that figuring out an adult’s learning style is the same as with a child. It starts with communicating with them, instead of at them. Then, carefully observe what the adult does and says as carefully as you observe and listen to a child. Words and phrases are clues to learning styles.

Visual learners learn by seeing. They need information and the “big picture” in writing. They want photos and visual demonstrations. Visual learners will read articles you give out on development and curriculum. They are the parents who want a visually stimulating classroom environment, filled with children’s work. Visual people make eye contact and can be impatient if they have to listen to anyone for too long. In a meeting, they will write things down. Visual learners may not express emotions, but their facial expressions are usually good indicators of their feelings.

Visual learners might use some the following words and phrases:

• See, look, think
• Appears to me, looks like, under your nose
• Paint a picture, plainly see, short-sighted, in light of

Auditory learners learn by hearing. They thrive on conversation and group discussion and do best when they can talk a problem out. They will remember what was discussed. They may not make eye contact, but they are listening. Auditory learners will ask a lot of questions and enjoy listening, though they may become frustrated with someone else’s lengthy descriptions. They verbally express their emotions and may come across as loud and aggressive. Given time to speak (and knowing that someone is really listening), they will calm down and be open to a discussion. Also, auditory learners may have little awareness of the aesthetics of the classroom and therefore don’t “see” what is happening there.

Auditory learners may use this language:

• Listen, hear, understand
• Clear as a bell, loud and clear, word for word, in a manner of speaking
• To tell the truth, utterly

Tactile/Kinesthetic learners learn by action and touch. They will remember best what was done or experienced, not necessarily what they have seen or heard. They need multi-dimensional presentations and will seem distracted or lose interest if a presentation is only verbal. They need something in their hands during presentations or discussions – a chart, list, spreadsheet, or photo. When speaking to you, a tactile/kinesthetic learner will fidget and use his/her whole body to communicate. These parents will touch your arm, give you a hug, or even stamp their foot. Their emotions show in their body language. If this parent is upset, taking a walk together may bring out the best ideas.

Tactile/Kinesthetic learners might say this:

• Take, get, do
• Come to grip with, get a handle on, get in touch with
• Get the drift of, hold on, not following you,
• Start from scratch, pain in the neck, too much of a hassle

Communicating with parents and caregivers with an understanding of their different learning styles has implications for every aspect of school communication: conversations, conferences, back to school night presentations, committee meetings, and parent workshops. We can’t only post notices, email, send home fliers, or tell parents information at the door.

Consider a parent you find challenging.

Now take a step back. Take the time to really get to know that parent or caregiver. Have a face-to-face meeting. The tone of your voice cannot be accurately conveyed in an email. When you meet, don’t interrupt. Let the person speak as long as he/she needs. Listen and observe. Ask for clarification and allow him/her to elaborate on their thoughts and feelings just as we do when we actively observe and listen to children. Ask what he/she needs to better understand their child’s school, curriculum, classroom, teacher, etc.

More work, right? Initially, it may seem that way. There can be many reasons parents are not as connected with us as we would wish. We don’t need to make it more difficult because when everyone plainly sees it, when it is clear as a bell, and when we all get a handle on it, miraculous things will happen. We are all here to do this sacred work together, in partnership. It is the only way we will succeed.

Special thanks to Ron Lewkowitz for his workshops on learning styles.

Walter Barbe, “Swassing-Barbe Checklist of Observable Strength Characteristics,” Teaching Through Modality Strengths: Concepts and Practices,

Walter Barbe, Growing Up Learning

Michael Grinder, “Righting the Educational Conveyer Belt”

Robbins Research Institute , 1985 Neuro-Linguistic Professional Training, “Predicate Phrases”

Dale Sides Cooperman
Early Childhood Director
Congregation Albert
Albuquerque, NM
  

Idie Benjamin
Director of Professional Development
Child Care Council of Westchester
Scarsdale, NY
 

August 2019

Deepening Parent/Guardian-Teacher Relationships Through Conferences

In anticipation of parent/guardian-teacher conferences, the teaching staff at Temple Sinai ECEP in Summit NJ composed the following list of tips to foster positive conversations that will benefit all involved. 

Each child is the love of his/her parents’/guardians’ lives.
Parents/guardians would jump in front of a train to protect their child.  If you become the train from which parents/guardians must protect their child, they will not hear anything that you want to share and will be unable to support your efforts in the classroom.

Reach out to parents/guardians before conferences to learn what they would like to discuss.
This information will give you an idea of what concerns/interests them most about their child’s education and development.  If you think that you will need more time with a particular family, consider scheduling on an alternate day, or block off two time slots.

Listen more than you speak.
This is the parents’/guardians’ conference, too, and they are the experts on their child.  Take this opportunity to learn as much as you can about the child and the family from these experts.

Try to focus the conference on the areas and skills that are developmentally appropriate.
In most cases, conferences should start with a focus on social-emotional skills which are the basis of successful learning in the future.  The assessment is a starting point from which both teachers and parents/guardians can collaborate on what is best for the child. 

Always start and end with a positive.
No matter how sure parents/guardians are of their parenting, they are often a bit anxious at conferences.  Break the ice with a cute, witty story about their child, and try to end on a positive note, as well. In the end, they want to know that their child is in the right place.

Choose your words gently and carefully.
The wording that you use (in writing and spoken) will follow that family wherever they go.  If it is clear to the parent/guardian how important that child is to you, it makes it much easier to discuss any struggles the child is having. And always remember that the child is simply that – a young child who is developing and learning how to function in the world.

Conferences are a judgment-free zone. 

1. Listen with empathy when parents/guardians confide in you about a challenge. And remember, they may feel comfortable sharing their frustrations with you, but we should not express our similar frustrations to them.
2. Never judge or express your thoughts on their parenting choices. Respect them as the parents/guardians.
3. Do not make assumptions about what is happening at home based on what you see in the classroom.

Ask the question, “What are you seeing at home?” to build a bridge connecting home and school behavior.
Often, when you ask this question, parents/guardians will open up about challenges at home.  Once they share their observations and/or challenges, it will be easier to share what you are observing in the classroom.

Any comments you share must be about your observations in the classroom only. 
We are all professionals but not experts in all areas of development.  Even if we have thoughts about certain issues, never try to diagnose or explain the origin of the concerning behavior.

Parents/guardians should not hear any concerns about their children for the first time at the conference.
Relationships and communication should begin long before conferences.

Do not answer any questions or concerns that you and your teaching partner have not discussed in advance. 
Let parents/guardians talk it out, but don’t feel like you must have the right answer at that time. It is ok (and professional) to take notes and ask for some time to observe/research.  You may want to schedule a follow-up meeting in the near future.

If you ever feel the conference is not going as planned - reach out for backup and support.
You can plan to resume at another time, particularly if you have another family waiting.  Invite your supervisor or director into that meeting for support.

What tips or quotes do you keep in mind when preparing for difficult conversations with parents in your program?  Feel free to share your ideas in the comment section below. You must log in to comment.

Early Childhood Education Program teaching staff
Temple Sinai, Summit, NJ

March 2019

Walk the Walk: Engaging Families with Young Children

As Susie Wexler and I prepared for our Biennial presentation, entitled “Beyond the Welcome Mat:  How to Deeply Engage Families with Young Children,” we realized that we had taken on a new challenge.  While we are both seasoned presenters at conferences (not that we do them as a professional career!), Biennial was another story.  We had to remember that this conference was not just for early childhood educators – we would be presenting to lay leaders, clergy and program directors as well.

The two of us, mentored by the incredibly patient Nancy Bossov, needed to stay focused on the end result -- how can one say in an hour that which has taken a lifetime of experience to understand?  To this end, we did more than “talk the talk” – we “walked the walk” as well.  In our presentation, we talked about what it feels like to be welcomed in. We talked about what makes a welcoming space. We also made sure to create a welcoming space.  There was a greeter at the door and food options for gluten-free, dairy-free, and sugar-free diets.  We included some salty and some sweet, some chewy and some crunchy, and explained that this is how you make people feel that you’ve gone the extra mile to take into account their individual needs.

Pens and cards were available for those who wanted to take notes, and a PowerPoint was made for the visual learners.  We used two different approaches to explain best principles in early engagement, and the play between the two presenters allowed for different voice modulations and expression---to help everyone keep the energy up.

We are happy to share that the presentation was well-received.  Attendees asked thought-provoking questions that represented the diversity of the group, and we all had the chance to learn together.

Check out the slideshow that accompanied the Biennial Presentation, “Beyond the Welcome Mat:  How to Deeply Engage Families with Young Children.”

 LINK TO SLIDESHOW

Carol Pastor

January 2018